New Hope!

While there's life there's hope. -- Cicero

As I was surfing the net yesterday, I came across this article (http://www.schizophrenia.com/sznews/archives/005457.html) that says two new medications for schizophrenia had been found. I am especially interested in the drug called Pimavanserin as it seems to be able to reduce side-effects. If this is true, it will really be great news for millions of schizophrenia patients like my twins out there!

My twins are sixteen years old now, and they will be going to high school next year. So this year is really going to be a tough year for both of them as they have to prepare for their exams and study hard. Actually I am not very concerned with their academic results. What worries me the most is whether they could adapt to the new environment of high school and make new friends there.

It is a common sight to see people with mental disorders being ostracized by peers and even the general public. I do not want to see my twins become one of them. WHAT CAN I DO?! I really hope that things are turning for the better.

To Evelyn

Ever since I found out that Evangeline and Esther are down with schizophrenia, I feel very much indebted to my eldest daughter, Evelyn. Even though I have tried very hard all these years to be a responsible mother, I seem to have neglected Evelyn in many ways. All my attentions were on the twins.

Being always filial and understanding, Evelyn never complained. But deep down I know she does need my care and concern as much as Evangeline and Esther do. Evelyn, Mum hope you can really forgive me and understand that despite the fact I have put in more time to look after her sisters, Mum love you just as much.

My Little Princesses

The proper function of a man is to live, not to exist. – Jack London

I never called my twins schizophrenic. I want my daughters to live a life just like everybody else does, with meaning and hope. To me, they are no different.

However to others, they are different.

Evangeline and Esther have to take medication on a daily basis. This is important in controlling the symptoms and eventually reaching the stage of remission whereby the symptoms will be so mild that they can literally lead a more or less normal life, or else they can relapse very fast.

But with Evangeline and Esther’s conditions, it is hard for them to keep up with the daily medications on their own. They tend to forget about it and sometimes even have difficulties in remembering whether they have taken it or not. So I will always keep pillboxes marked with the days of the week so as to help them as well as myself to keep track of medication schedules. This turns out to be useful most of the times.

Not surprisingly, they are uncomfortable with taking medications everyday. Their classmates often laugh at them. They are like labels which mark them as sick, different, abnormal, laughing stocks, weird… All these are too much for them bear. So once in a while they will refuse to take medications. And as a result of poor compliance, symptoms such as delusion and hallucinations resurface again. It is really heart-breaking for me to look at them suffering and find myself could do nothing about it.

Also, medications give them side-effects. The antipsychotic drugs they are taking now cause them to experience drowsiness, restlessness, muscle spasms, weight gain, tremor, dry mouth and blurring of vision. Though the effects reduce after lowering the dosage, but the problem with weight gain is really bad. Evangeline has gained almost 6 kg after one year of taking the drug. I am afraid that this may affect her health by increasing the risk of heart disease or diabetes. There are other health problems which are associated with excessive weight, such as lower back pain, cancer or breathing problems, I have read about in books. So currently, I am looking for suitable alternative drugs which may help to reduce the side-effects on them.

To an outsider, Evangeline and Esther are introverted and withdrawn despite the fact that they seem to enjoy each other’s company. Even though medication has helped to put their symptoms under control, it does not help to improve their social skills. They show a lack of interest in almost everything around them. Having to live in the hospital once in a while and being very much taken care of, they sometimes find difficulties in doing simples things such as boarding a public bus and ordering food. But they are sixteen now, and I am worried about their future if this continues.

In order to improve this condition, I often bring them out on weekends for family activities, like picnic and shopping trips, so as to expose them to the outside world where on one knows about their illness. This makes them to feel just like normal individuals and apparently they enjoy it.

I do not expect Evangeline and Esther to achieve great things in life. As long as they can enjoy life to the fullest, I am happy.

Life Is Not Always In Sunshine

I have three daughters: Evelyn, Evangeline, and Esther and they are 22, 16 and 16 respectively. As you can see, Evangeline and Esther are twins. All three of them are dear and angelic to me, and they love me just as much.

Up to this point you may think: “What a happy life this woman has!” Indeed, God seems to be too good to me: a smooth career, a caring husband and most importantly, three healthy daughters. But just like what Virgil says: “Life is not always in sunshine.” I only come to appreciate what this classical Roman poet says when I discovered two years ago that both Evangeline and Esther are schizophrenic.

The first sign of their illness appeared when we were watching TV in the living room one Sunday afternoon. Esther started to say something like people on television are aiming special messages at her and that her thoughts are being broadcast aloud to others.” I did not take this seriously at first. But her strange behaviours carried on for a few days whereby she became agitated easily at trivial matters and insisted that everyone was conspiring against her. Teachers at her school complained about her inabilities to concentrate in class and the tendency to stay away from other kids. So that was when I started to become worried and I brought her to the doctor straight away.

So at the psychiatry department, I was being asked to recount Esther's recent behaviours and family medical history as Esther for no reason refused to talk to him. As I faithfully answered each and every one of his questions, something ominous struck my mind: my grandfather was schizophrenic!

After that, Esther went through various blood test, urine test, special IQ tests, etc, which really scared me. The results come out that what was troubling Esther all these day was indeed schizophrenia, an undifferentiated type and chronic.

I was devastated. For a few days I could not believe the fact. So I went on to surf the net, hoping that someone out there would have something the opposite to say. I was disappointed and this disappointment became a fear when I came across this video clip while I was researching.



Was this what my little Esther was experiencing right now? All the inner voices and hallucinations and all. I hoped that I could be the one that was suffering all these.

However, misfortunes never come singly.

Maybe it is the kind of mutual affinity and attachment that always exist between twins, half a year later, Evangeline was being diagnosed of schizophrenia as well. Actually I was mentally prepared for this as the doctor which Esther went to had already warned me of this possibility. I told myself it was time to get over my misery. It is unfortunate of my little twins to suffer from such illness before they could have a chance to enjoy all the wonders in life, but I, being their mother, should brace up and make the best out of whatever life has bestowed on them.