My Little Princesses

The proper function of a man is to live, not to exist. – Jack London

I never called my twins schizophrenic. I want my daughters to live a life just like everybody else does, with meaning and hope. To me, they are no different.

However to others, they are different.

Evangeline and Esther have to take medication on a daily basis. This is important in controlling the symptoms and eventually reaching the stage of remission whereby the symptoms will be so mild that they can literally lead a more or less normal life, or else they can relapse very fast.

But with Evangeline and Esther’s conditions, it is hard for them to keep up with the daily medications on their own. They tend to forget about it and sometimes even have difficulties in remembering whether they have taken it or not. So I will always keep pillboxes marked with the days of the week so as to help them as well as myself to keep track of medication schedules. This turns out to be useful most of the times.

Not surprisingly, they are uncomfortable with taking medications everyday. Their classmates often laugh at them. They are like labels which mark them as sick, different, abnormal, laughing stocks, weird… All these are too much for them bear. So once in a while they will refuse to take medications. And as a result of poor compliance, symptoms such as delusion and hallucinations resurface again. It is really heart-breaking for me to look at them suffering and find myself could do nothing about it.

Also, medications give them side-effects. The antipsychotic drugs they are taking now cause them to experience drowsiness, restlessness, muscle spasms, weight gain, tremor, dry mouth and blurring of vision. Though the effects reduce after lowering the dosage, but the problem with weight gain is really bad. Evangeline has gained almost 6 kg after one year of taking the drug. I am afraid that this may affect her health by increasing the risk of heart disease or diabetes. There are other health problems which are associated with excessive weight, such as lower back pain, cancer or breathing problems, I have read about in books. So currently, I am looking for suitable alternative drugs which may help to reduce the side-effects on them.

To an outsider, Evangeline and Esther are introverted and withdrawn despite the fact that they seem to enjoy each other’s company. Even though medication has helped to put their symptoms under control, it does not help to improve their social skills. They show a lack of interest in almost everything around them. Having to live in the hospital once in a while and being very much taken care of, they sometimes find difficulties in doing simples things such as boarding a public bus and ordering food. But they are sixteen now, and I am worried about their future if this continues.

In order to improve this condition, I often bring them out on weekends for family activities, like picnic and shopping trips, so as to expose them to the outside world where on one knows about their illness. This makes them to feel just like normal individuals and apparently they enjoy it.

I do not expect Evangeline and Esther to achieve great things in life. As long as they can enjoy life to the fullest, I am happy.