My Turn

Mom and Esther have been blogging a lot, so I guess it's right that i have my turn. I'm the eldest daughter in the family, expectations of me are high too. Before 'they' were born, I used to have all the attention, Mom and Dad adored me, but after the twins were born, I was expected to give up some of my precious "Mom and Dad time" as I called it, the blow being harder as there were 2 of them.

However being mature and grown-up, I soon grew out of my jealousy, I even helped Mom to look after them, like any good daughter and sister would. After time, I gradually grew to like them. But my love for them only really surfaced after I went overseas to study and I was feeling homesick. I called home and the twins answered, we talked for a while, and it hit me how much I really loved them, at that point in time, I really had no idea why I had been denying that fact.

Soon after that, Mom called me to tell me the bad news - Esther had a mental condition called schizophrenia. That night, I couldn't sleep, I cried the whole night. It feels good to admit that, somehow.

But I had to pull myself together, I had school, a job, but more importantly, I was the older sister, I could not break down in front of them, I had to stay strong no matter what, even as I was struggling internally to come to terms with this.

They say that twins share everything, I know we were all thinking the same thing, please don't let this happen to Evangeline. But who are we to interfere with Fate? We are all just mere mortals, capable only of accepting and grieving. Very much like gambling don't you think? There is a Chinese proverb : If you gamble ten times, you're guaranteed to lose at least nine. I don't like the odds, but I have no choice but to accept them.

Mom, Twins, I really have always wanted to express how I feel, but it was hard. This 'crisis' has made me realise that I could lose any of you at any time, and the thought of never being able to say how I feel is really scary.

So, I'll say it here, where the whole world can see it, MOM, TWINS, I LOVE YOU ALL. And, I'll be with you all the way, let's run this race together!